We all crave LOVE.
We all want to belong.
We all want to feel like we are enough, just as we are.
We all want to enjoy beautiful things like LOVE , acceptance and belonging but when we are experiencing low self worth, there is no room in our hearts for such beauty.
We do not feel worthy of it.
Sadly, some of us feel so unworthy it’s like we’re doing low self worth for The Olympics! These dear Olympians may have experienced LOVE and belonging only rarely in their lives and simply do not know how to receive this kind of beauty – or how to go get it for themselves. Their lack of experience and skill in receiving and go-getting LOVE may express as silent self-depreciation or confusingly, in aggressive and defensive behaviours.
But how do we tell if the behaviours we are challenged by in others are rooted in low self worth?
(Theirs or ours!)
What are the signs of low self worth?
Let’s take the time to watch and really listen to our colleagues, friends and family and get to the root of their sometimes challenging behaviours. Through awareness, patience and kindness, we can put ourselves aside for a moment, get beyond the behaviour and see and cuddle the LOVE-starved child within.
If we are going to get beyond people’s behaviour and bring understanding and compassion into our relationships, we need to get a sense of how low self worth may be driving behaviour. We need to be able to recognise the signs of low self worth in other people AND be able to recognise these signs within ourselves.
Signs of Low Self Worth
I believe in accepting everyone as they are.
I share with you the following observations and patterns I have noticed over the past twenty odd years of working intimately with people so that rather than pigeon hole and judge, we are able to bridge a gap with them.
The bridge spans from finding yourself struggling with someone and/or their behaviour, all the way over to acceptance of that someone.
The bridge IS understanding. Understanding that their behaviour (and yours) may be driven by a small, sweet sadness inside. This understanding helps us get ourselves out of the way, open up to them and move beyond their behaviour.
Signs of low self worth are written all over a person’s physiology, posture and body language.
Do they stand upright, head high, shoulders back, breathing calmly and smoothly?
Or are they slumped over a desk, hunched making tea, head down, eyes diverted from everyone else’s, deep in their feelings and self talk?
Or if they are doing compensating behaviours – is their body set in a defensive posture, ready for a fight, ready to explain, to defend and to justify?
In my experience, people doing low self worth not only find it difficult to receive from others, but they also find it difficult to give to themselves. So they do not spend money on nice clothes or jewellery for themselves. Nor do they spend time on nice things for their bodies, like lovely skincare, nice dinners, good food. All because they do not think they are worthy.
Their sense of low self worth ends up showing in the condition of their physical body. I notice their features are often withdrawn, with pallid skin, dull hair, un-shining eyes and an unkempt appearance. They are often very thin, too thin, gaunt even. Because they do not allow the food they eat to nourish them. According to them, they don’t deserve to be nourished.
Makes me want to cry.
– How they say it
Folks doing low self worth may be the quietest in the room, lacking the confidence to speak up and be heard. But don’t be fooled – the loudest in the room may also be the person with the lowest self worth. This clever disguise of blustering confidence carefully hiding how they really feel and what they actually think of themselves.
Folks doing low self worth may be the ones in your life who appear really interested in your life. Every time you see them, it’s like The Spanish Inquisition; so many questions about you, to get you talking about yourself and stop you asking anything about them!
They sit right in front of us, hiding from view in plain sight.
Or maybe they don’t ask you a dang thing – instead you get an outpouring of verbal diarrhoea from them, without a break, relentless. Don’t be fooled by this either. It’s not that it’s all about them – it’s all about not pausing long enough for you to ask them anything about themselves. Once again, hiding from view in plain sight.
– What they say
When we really listen to what people are saying, they tell us about their whole world.
And when someone is doing low self worth, we will hear the signs if we listen.
Signs of low self worth to listen out for:
- Justifying my existence: “It’s just me…” “I just…”
- Imposing self importance
- Self doubting and second guessing
- I am irreplaceable and indispensable!
- Nothing is working or good
- Complaining and “Negative”
- I don’t feel appreciated or valued
- Laboured participation – nothing can be easy or flow beautifully
From my twenty odd years’ experience in Bodywork and Coaching, I have noticed some common health issues of Humans doing low self worth.
Common health issues I have noticed:
- Sore neck and shoulders.
From always doing everything ourselves/not delegating.
If we do not trust/value ourselves, we will not trust or value others’ help.
From everything being a burden, an extra burden.
From life feeling like a struggle, drudgery.
From holding our bodies in postures reflecting these thoughts and attitudes.
From the constant negative self talk that keeps our heads busy and heavy to hold up.
- So headaches can be common.
- And gut disorders/disease from high body acidity and inflammatory illness.
- Skin disorders including acne – all down to lack of self LOVE and low self worth (and those gut issues!).
- Body image behaviours like Bulimia and Anorexia.
- Addictive behaviours for numbing and dissociating and not just obvious things like drugs and alcohol, but also plastic surgery and going punishingly hard at the gym.
- Self harming behaviours like cutting – definitely a sign someone does not have the skills to get LOVE in a healthy way.
Now my sweets,
I must admit to finding writing this kind of blog really challenging!
All this generalising and pigeon holing goes against my grain. I most definitely advocate giving everyone a clean slate, everyday – in every moment if we are really Zen and amazing! I definitely believe while old teachers or parents or doctors may have put us in a pigeon hole, we are the ones who keep ourselves there.
Take my words about low self worth as a tool to help you stop judging others, to help you see and hear them as they really are.
Read my words and grow your awareness of others and where they may be coming from.
Use my words about low self worth to foster patience and understanding in your world and your relationships.
And allow my words to help you move beyond behaviour to the LOVE-starved child hiding there before you, in plain sight.
Your Life Changing Coach
GENERATIVE CHANGE is change that builds upon itself.
Offering you Life Changing Coaching ~ Online & By Phone
Like this weekly blog delivered directly to your inbox?
Yes! Click here.
Like a Complimentary Opening Session?
Yes! Click here.